Changes

Life as we knew it has changed.. we are better friends than husband and wife.. we're both happier and the kids are too.. I love all my in laws, still and hope I do not lose them just because we choose better and divorced.. to my Mother in Law, you are an amazing woman with a caring heart.. I never knew someone could love and care about me the way she does, to my sister's in law, I hope we will still communicate and stay in touch, to all my nieces and nephews in law, I love you all and enjoy seeing you all, I also hope we will stay in contact.. we've been family for 12 years and a divorce shouldn't break that.. I love you all with all of my heart..

My in-laws are truly the best and I couldn't asked for any better in-laws from my Mother in law down to my great nieces and nephews on Eric's side. 

Just a heads up

I may not be updating in here, but I have been updating on Caden's Blog. I am taking part of a photo challenge. Created by Carly Marie Project Heal I have posted 23 posts, with pictures and am continuing for the next week. Feel free to visit us there.

Caden's Blog

Here's a piece of information regarding my first post on Caden's Blog about this photo challenge.

"Capture Your Grief"

I'm a couple days late, but I'm excited to join in on this 31 day picture challenge..

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html

Stay tuned for my picture posts on here and on my FB :) Also, I've never done a blog photo challenge, so if I'm doing something wrong, please let me know.

Hopefully I'm back from my hiatus but don't hold your breath lol.

2yrs old, playing at the park by our house

MaKaylie

MaKaylie  is afraid of so many things, it is actually quite funny. She doesn't like her bedroom window open, cause she can hear the "street" meaning the loud cars that drive on the street. If she hears a loud car and she is by the window, she will run as fast as she can away from the window. If she is running from the noise at the window, you can make a loud noise that will scare her and make her run faster. It's pretty funny. Yes, I'm one of those that enjoy scaring people :)

Positive, positive, positive

Ok, so the other day I was talking to a friend, telling her that I had been reading and reading and reading her blog and that it was fun and interesting to read. I really enjoyed reading her blog (I had never read it before). I spent 2 evenings, going thru as many of her posts as I could. I felt like a blog stalker LOL.

After reading hers, I went to another blog of someone in my ward and read ALL of their posts and to me, it seemed both the husband and the wife were posting but you could never tell who it was on some of them. The husband blogs so beautifully sweet especially his post about their Anniversary. awe!

Anyway...back to why I started this post.. I was telling my friend that I HATE blogging lately, because somehow I get depressed when I blog. Who wants to invite depression, not me! Her suggestion was to start blogging about the positive things and not the negative. I kind of rejected her suggestion at first saying to myself "yeah right, I'm just a negative person and not a lot of positives going on in my life so what positive things could I write about?" Plus, I'm horrible at properly writing stuff so please, forgive me, as I thought school was for socializing, not learning.. boy am I paying for it now. So if I just nod at what you say, now you'll know that its because I clearly have no clue what you just said, LOL

So this is me now, accepting her challenge, hoping that I will stop with the negative feelings and start with the positive. Positive is good. After writing this sentence, a light bulb went off in my head... I do not like to be around negative people although I will still be your friend but I may or may not start to distance myself from said negative friends. Hey, maybe this is why I have lost soo many friends in life, maybe because I don't think I am negative..but maybe they feel I am. I do complain, who doesn't? I've always thought that I was a 100% loyal friend who would most likely go to the ends of the earth for them (the word friend also includes family).

So, here is some positive. I have a husband who works full time, outside of the home, teaching 30+ 5th graders, plus announcing Basketball, Wrestling and Football and Coaches Softball at Timpanogos High School, so that he can provide for us and has made it so that I could quit my job of almost 8 years. I have now been a SAHM for 1 yr and almost 1 mo. We have a love/hate relationship, lol. Love it cause I don't have to report to anyone, I can go anywhere on any given day without having to find someone to cover my shift or what not. I hate it because I am a HUGE people person and I miss the daily interaction I had with people, co-workers and friends that I knew for those 8 yrs and because someone like to joke with me that I don't make the $$ now.. my rebuttal is that I get paid, it just can't find its way to the bank because it comes in the form of Hugs and Kisses :D.  I have 3 handsome fun and energetic boys ranging in age from 5 (pretty much 6) - age 9. An Angel Baby named Caden who we think of and miss often, he is not forgotten!! And a fun, energetic and super pretty 19 mo old girl. She keeps me on my toes! She along with her brothers are like the sole mess makers in our house he, he. Oh whoops.. that was a negative, but it is true!

Hope you enjoyed my more positive post. Thanks for reading (if anyone even reads) ha ha

What I'm dealing with. Why I'm not the fun old me anymore...

I am only posting this information, so that those of you that read this will know what's going on with me, I do not want/need charity from it. I just simply want you to know, so that maybe you'll have a better understanding and MAYBE you wont poke me in my "tender points"

I have 31 of these symptoms:

SYMPTOMS OF POST TUBAL LIGATION SYNDROME 

Source- http://tubal.org/symptoms_of_pts.htm

1. Eptopic pregnancy or pregnancy (well known risk of tubals)

***2. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes,
    clammy feeling, chills

*3. Bouts of rapid heart beat

***4. Irritability

***5. Mood swings, sudden tears

*****6. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)

***7. Irregular; shorter, lighter; heavier, flooding, phantom, shorter, longer

***8. Loss of libido (see note)

9  

10 These 3 deal with the lower area none of which I have issues with but felt it didn't need to be posted here.

11

****12. Crashing fatigue - Chronic Fatigue

***13. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease

***14. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom (see note)

*15. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion

*16. Disturbing memory lapses

*17. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence
      (see note)

18. Prolapse of uterus do to rapid decrease in estrogen levels.

19. Itchy, crawly skin (see note)

*20. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons (see note)

*21. Increased tension in muscles

*22. Breast tenderness

*23. Decrease in breast mass

*24. Headache change: increase or decrease

*25. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea
      Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

*26. Sudden bouts of bloat

******27. Depression (see note)

*28. Exacerbation of existing conditions

*29. Allergies developing or increasing - (Chronic sinusitis).

30  Nasal infections-necessitating antibiotics

******31. Weight gain (see note)

32. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair

*33. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance

*34. Changes in body odor

*35. Electric shock or stabbing sensation under the skin. (see note)

*36. Tingling in the extremities, (see note)

*37. Gum problems, increased bleeding

*38. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in
     breath odor  (see notes)

39. Osteoporosis (after several years )

40. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier

*41. Stabbing pains in pelvic area at time of ovulation
42. Pelvic Pain
43. Development of Adenomyosis

44. Development of Ovarian/Tubal Cysts

45. Decreased Lactation Ability  

NOTES:

Symptom 2 - (flashes) Hot flashes are due to the hypothalamic response to declining ovarian estrogen production. The declining estrogen state induces hypophysiotropic neurons in the arcuate nucleas of the hypothalamus to release gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) in a pulsatile fashion, which in turn stimulates release of luteinizing hormone (LH). Extremely high pulses of LH occur during the period of declining estrogen production. The LH has vasodilatory effects, which leads to flushing.

Symptom 8 - (loss of libido) For some women the loss is so great that they actually find sex repulsive, in much the same way as they felt before puberty. What hormones give, loss of hormones can take away.

Symptom 14 - (doom thoughts) includes thoughts of death, picturing one's own death. Feelings of complete despair. - No, I am not suicidal. My mind wanders to thoughts of when/how others will die.. I worry about who will notify me if so and so passes. I worry when the phone rings esp. when it is someone that doesn't usually call me.

Symptom 17 -  (incontinence) reflects a general loss of smooth muscle tone.

Symptom 20 - (aching sore joints) may include such problems as carpal tunnel syndrome.

Symptom 27 - (depression) different from other depression, the inability to cope is overwhelming. There is a feeling of loss of self. Hormone therapy ameliorates the depression dramatically.

Symptom 31 - (weight gain) often around the waist and thighs, resulting in 'the disappearing waistline'

Symptom 35 - (shock sensation) This is often discribed as the feeling of a rubber band snapping in the layer of tissue between skin and muscle. It may be a precursor to a hot flash.

Symptom 36 - (tingling in extremities) can also be a symptom of B-12 deficiency, diabetes, alterations in the flexibility of blood vessels, or a depletion of potassium or calcium.

Symptom 38 - (Burning mouth syndrome)

 AND These symptoms stemming from: 

 

Source -

http://fmaware.org/site/PageServerb3b4.html?pagename=fibromyalgia_symptoms

Fibromyalgia is characterized by additional pain when firm pressure is applied to specific areas of your body, called tender points. Tender point locations include:

• Back of the head
• Between shoulder blades
• Top of shoulders
• Front sides of neck
• Upper chest
• Outer elbows
• Upper hips
• Sides of hips
• Inner knees

Fatigue and sleep disturbances
People with fibromyalgia often awaken tired, even though they report sleeping for long periods of time. Sleep is frequently disrupted by pain, and many patients with fibromyalgia have other sleep disorders, such as restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea, that further worsen symptoms.

Coexisting conditions
Many people who have fibromyalgia also may have:

• Fatigue
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Endometriosis
• Headaches
• Irritable bowel syndrome

So much to deal with. 

Where have I been? Publishing with hesitation..eek!!!

I'm warning you, this COULD be an angry, mean, rude, sad post! I'm in an angry/depressed phase about friends and people and life and whatever else you want to add to the mix.

Do you guys believe real friends exist?? cuz they don't to me...

Still looking... "Everyone hates you until proven otherwise and once its been proven, there is still doubt"

I consider myself the "forgotten child" with friends, family, groups and whatever else I want. I often catch myself wondering "where do I fit in?"

Family and Friends are a BIG thing in my life and I'm talking beyond my immediate family, I love my husband and children but I think it is important to be close with your extended families too. I love family get together's (is that even a word? my spell check says it is not correct). Anyway, maybe I just need to spell it out for everyone so they know what I like and want and then I don't get hurt because "that" didn't happen.

I really enjoy getting together for Ice cream or dinner with friends and family esp on my birthday (not for presents, because I probably don't see you enough and want to see your face, probably cause I miss you!)

I really enjoy walking, so if you want to go, please let me know. (been asked a few times this week who I go walking with and I say well, no one, because no one will go with me! Rude huh!)

There is someone and I'm not going to mention names, person probably doesn't even know I have a blog, but I want to be second (because someone else is first now) in their life and well, I don't know if I ever have been and well, lets face it I SHOULD be! I would do and give anything to spend time with this person and it breaks my heart to know that I am not as important as they are to me. When things happen to this person, I don't want to find out about it through others, I should be second to know. I hate hearing through the grape-vine. I've cried many times wondering where I exist in their life, cause most the time I don't know. I know when I'm around they enjoy it (well at least I hope they do) but do they even think of me when I am not in front of them?  They invite me to things but not to much, occasionally single things but just mainly things big amounts of people are invited to. Maybe its because I am married and have kids and the others don't? still an invite for me to decline (prob wouldn't be declined in the first place) would be nice. The ones I feel are second in this persons life, are in the house where this person resides, they get to go on adventures with this person and then I get to hear about it afterwards or before but not invited? Why don't I get the same adventures? oh well, that's life I guess. I hate life!